


I Always Have You

by camichats



Category: Marvel
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Maria Stark's Bad Parenting, Platonic Soulmates, Soulmates, Time Skips, Young Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-18 06:47:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21590251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: From Tony's first day on the earth, he had a soulmate looking after him. Not everyone wanted Bucky to be that close with him, but they manage.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Tony Stark
Comments: 9
Kudos: 83





	I Always Have You

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for a couple mentions of pedophilia, but nothing happens or even comes close.

Bucky was half excited and half scared. Mostly excited because it's not like this was _his_ baby, it was his _friend_ that was having a kid. Which meant he got to have all the fun and none of the headaches. Ply him with candy so Bucky was his favorite, but then he wouldn't have to deal with the kid bouncing off the walls at bedtime. He had it made, and he loved it. 

Maria's labor didn't take very long according to people that knew more about birth than him, and when Howard came out to retrieve them, they filed in with quiet steps but eager faces-- Peggy and the Howlies minus a noted few. 

Peggy was the first to hold him of course, positively beaming at the scrunched up little face. Bucky was next, and he was careful that his left arm was already perfectly in place when Peggy eased the baby into his arms. 

Maria was exhausted but smiling, strands of hair sticking to her face from sweat. "His name's Antonio Edward Stark," she said, pride clear as day in her tone. 

"Aw you little thing," Bucky cooed, "they'll probably call you Tony. Do you like that? Tony?" He wiggled a finger in front of his face, then stroked it over a chubby cheek. The he froze as the world... exploded. There was no other word for it. Color didn't seep into his vision like it always belonged there, it was like a knock to the head that landed so hard his vision whited out before blowing back in. 

"Bucky?" Howard was asking from in front of him, clearly no the first time he had said his name. 

"Yeah," Bucky said nonsensically, glancing down at Tony for a moment before shoving him into his father's arms. As if that wasn't enough to warn everyone in the room that he wasn't feeling right, he fumbled the door knob when he tried to stumble out into the hallway. He didn't bother trying to find a chair, he just leaned against the wall right next to the room and slid to the floor. 

He had a soulmate. Shit. _Shit_. He'd always thought that if it wasn't Steve it wasn't going to be anyone, and he was fine with that. But now he had a soulmate and he couldn't even begin to know how to handle that. He was going to have to go to a goddamn class to learn what all the colors were. He probably wouldn't have to take the meds that would prevent him from getting headaches the first week because of his healing factor, but that was a pale comfort. He didn't know how to be a soulmate to _anyone_ let alone a baby. He was good with kids when the occasion called for it, but that was a hell of a difference to helping raise one. But maybe he was getting ahead of himself because there was no guarantee that Howard would even let him see Tony again. 

Howard was kneeling in front of him now, face concerned and saying his name over and over to try and catch his attention. When Bucky finally met his eyes, he gave a small smile. "It's okay. We're just uh-" he glanced at the closed hospital door- "not going to tell Maria for a while. She'd panic, but it's not like anything's going to happen. Take a couple of breaths and get back in there, okay?" 

"You're takin' this better than I am," Bucky noted, doing as instructed and taking several deep breaths. 

Howard shrugged, staying where he was on his knees so Bucky didn't feel rushed. "He's not going to have it easy being my son. I feel a lot better knowing that you'll be there to look after him." He clapped Bucky on the shoulder, and it actually made him feel better. He was still freaking out, but he knew that it was temporary. 

* * *

Bucky spent more time at Stark Mansion than his own home. Howard offered him a room full time, but Bucky turned it down, citing Maria as an excuse. Even so, he ended up spending the night about half the time. 

Tony was absolutely adorable, all wide-eyed curiosity and demanding that Bucky explain things to him. It only took a couple years before Tony was asking questions he didn't know the answer to. 

"Dad says you knew Captain America," Tony said one day, a Bucky-bear in one hand and an official Captain America action figure in the other. 

"Yeah." 

Tony tilted his head. "Like the one in the comics?" 

"Yep, only I knew him before he got super." 

Tony looked at him skeptically, so full of doubt in a way only kids could manage. "He's always been super." 

"Really? I thought the comics _showed_ him getting bigger." 

"That's not real," Tony said like it was obvious. "Nobody grows that much in one minute, it takes years." 

Bucky was the one that had corrected him on that originally, explaining that _everyone_ had to wait years to get big and Tony would too. Evidently Tony had taken that to heart. "That's how it is for you and me, but Steve was... special." 

"I thought _I_ was special." 

"You're special too," Bucky assured him. "It's just in a different way." 

Tony hugged the Bucky-bear tighter, Captain America falling to the side, forgotten. "Different," Tony repeated. 

"That's right." 

Bucky-bear firmly clutched in one hand, Tony crawled onto the couch and put himself in Bucky's lap. "Was Captain America different too?" 

"Yeah kiddo," Bucky said, laying a kiss on top of Tony's messy hair, "he was different too." 

* * *

"Why do people wear white to get married?" Tony asked. He was lying on his stomach, arms propping up his head while he wrinkled his nose in disgust. 

"I dunno," Bucky said. "Purity, I think?" 

"Well it's boring. They should wear red. Red's the best color." 

Bucky shrugged, and Tony continued to frown. It should have been so innocent. Tony knew that Maria worked with fashion, so if Bucky didn't know why people wore white to weddings, maybe she would. He sought her out a little later, when Bucky had to leave to do some boring adult thing. "Mama?" 

"Yes?" 

"Why do people wear white to weddings?" he asked. Then, because he wanted someone to agree with him, "Wouldn't red look better?" 

Maria froze. "Red?" 

Tony nodded, sure that she was about to say 'Yes Antonio, you're right, red would be much better'. 

"Who taught you your colors?" 

"Bucky." It had been a little game, pointing at candies. When Tony got the color right, he got to eat the candy. Tony was too big for that game now, but he still did it sometimes. 

"Bucky," Maria repeated, jaw clenched and something steely in her gaze. Tony didn't know why she looked like that. Bucky was great! He gave hugs anytime Tony wanted them, and he was always warm and squishy. Plus, anytime Tony asked, Bucky would carry him around like he didn't weigh a thing. 

Without answering Tony's question, she left the room, yelling for Howard. Tony waited for her to come back at first, but nothing happened. With a put-upon sigh, Tony went to go look for him. He heard the yelling long before he saw them. 

"I want you out of my house!" Maria screamed. 

"It's _my_ home, and I say that he'd not going anywhere!" Howard yelled right back. 

"Think of our son!" 

"That's who I am thinking about!" 

Him. They were talking about him. Tony ran to get closer, stopping just outside the doorway so they wouldn't see him. 

"You have no idea what he's going to face in the future, wouldn't you like it if he had some protection?" 

"He needs protection from _him_!" 

"Maria-" Bucky tried to say, but she cut him off. 

"Take your shit and get the hell out of here!" 

"No," Howard snapped. "He stays." 

There was a tense, long pause. "Fine," Maria spit, and Tony ran back to the parlor so he wouldn't get caught. He had no idea what was going on, but it sounded bad. 

Three days later, Maria told him he was going to boarding school, cheery smile on her face and his already packed bag by her feet. 

"What?" 

"Boarding school, darling. It'll be better for you than staying cooped up in this house with only the occasional visit from your tutors." 

"I'm not cooped up," Tony protested even though he knew that she'd already made up her mind and no amount of protests would change that. He couldn't help but try though, especially since what she said was wrong. Bucky brought him out all the time, and Howard taught him things the tutors didn't know. He didn't say any of that aloud, remembering the strange argument he'd heard before. 

Maria looked at him in that way adults did when they thought he didn't understand what they were saying. "This will be good for you Antonio. I want you to be happy, and this decision's already been made." 

"My name's Tony," he muttered, and Maria's face hardened though she didn't say anything to correct him. 

"It's time to go darling, we wouldn't want for you to be late." 

"We're leaving right now?" 

"That's correct." 

"Are Bucky and Dad coming?" 

"They're both awfully busy Antonio. It'll just be you, and, and Mister Jarvis. Doesn't that sound like fun?" 

No. In fact, it sounded weird and like nothing they'd done before. But when she took his hand and started pulling him towards the door, he didn't try to get away. 

* * *

When Tony had realized that boarding school had meant never going home and not getting visitors, he'd tried to leave. When he got shipped back, he figured that she couldn't do it again if the school wouldn't take him. So he got himself expelled, but instead of everything going back to normal, Maria found a different one to stick him in. He got kicked out of that one. He tried telling her that he was miserable, the classes too easy and the other students too mean, but nothing worked. For whatever reason, Maria was determined to keep him away. 

Before he knew it, he was in college, shoving all the engineering tools he was unwilling to part with in a tiny dorm room that was painted slate grey. 

Tony was busy trying to shove boxes under the bed when the door opened. The only part of him that was visible were his calves and feet. 

"You must be Stark." 

"Yeah that's me!" This thing was stupid heavy. If Bucky'd come to help, it wouldn't have been a problem, but Bucky had looked all awkward and said, "I don't think I should. Call me when you get there though, yeah? Let me know if I can help." It finally shoved into place, and he wiggled out from under the bed. He rolled over and saw his roommate. James Rhodes was plenty handsome, but god at what cost? Tony had no idea a shade of red that horrible existed. He looked nice though, and Tony wasn't going to make Rhodes annoyed with him quicker than usual if he could help it. "Rhodes?" 

"Yep." He offered Tony a hand up, and Tony forced himself to take it because he wasn't allowed to be squeamish with his classmates-- Maria had made that pretty clear. "Listen man, I know this is college and all, but you're way underage so don't expect me to get you beer or anything." 

Tony snorted. "Yeah don't worry. I'm sure if I want some, I can get it on my own." He almost went back to putting things away, but he wanted to check on this before it became a problem. "Try not to bring too many people to our room, yeah? Who you sleep with is your business, but people have a tendency to 'accidentally' pick up my things when they leave and I'd prefer not to deal with it." 

"Shit man. Yeah, you got it." 

"Thanks." 

"No problem, it's not like I was hooking up with a whole bunch of people anyways." He looked at his side of the room, nodded to himself then said, "Ignore the ten different people helping me move three boxes. My family all _insisted_ they come even though I told them I didn't really need the help." 

His entire family was coming? Tony had Howard and Maria for family. Past that, the help he could expect would come from Jarvis of Bucky (of course). But Maria wasn't exactly that kind of mother, so wherever she was was where Jarvis would be. Howard had a trip planned for this entire month, and they'd known about that before they even knew Tony was going to college. Bucky's help had been a given to Tony, all the way until Bucky had given him that look and been entirely uncertain in his own skin. "I'm probably going to clear out if it's all the same to you," Tony said, and Rhodes grinned. 

"Don't want to deal with them? Smart move. See you around." 

Missing out on the family interactions was definitely a bonus, but mostly Tony needed to find a phone so he could call Bucky. It was easy to find a phone, and he didn't have to wait for anyone else to be done, because everyone else on campus was busy moving. He dialed the number for the Mansion, assuming that's where Bucky was. 

"Stark residence." 

"Hi Mrs. Jarvis, it's Tony. Can you put Bucky on?" 

"Mister Barnes is not here," she said, and Tony waited for her to elaborate but nothing was forthcoming. 

"Uh, okay. Thanks." 

"Of course sir," she said, then hung up. 

Well. Maybe he'd be at his apartment, though only Bucky and god knew why he bothered to keep it. He tapped the receiver down then dialed the much less familiar number for Bucky's apartment. It didn't make it to two full rings before he answered. "Barnes." 

"Hey Bucky." 

"Tony," Bucky said, noticeably happier. "How was moving in?" 

"Would've been better if you were here." 

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Maria sorta hates me though, so I would've just gotten in her and Jarvis's way." 

"Their way?" Tony asked. "They didn't come." 

"...what? Then who helped you move in?" 

"No one." 

" _Fuck_ Tony, I'm so sorry, I would've come to help you if I'd known. Maria told me-" Bucky blew out an angry breath "-or I guess she _implied_ that she'd be there to help you so I wouldn't have to show up. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I know it doesn't do you a whole lot of good now, but next time something like this happens, you can call me before you start and I'll come help you." 

"I will." 

"I'm so sorry," he said again. "You shouldn't have had to do that alone." 

"It's okay," he said, though he was still a little hurt; he just wanted Bucky to be happy again. "What are you doing at your old apartment? I'm surprised you spend the money to keep the lease running when you spend all your time at the Mansion." 

Bucky made a noncommittal noise. "Without you or Howard there, there's not much point in me staying, y'know?" 

"It's your home too." 

"I'm happy you think that kiddo, but technically I'm only visiting. And again, without you there, there's not much point." 

Normally, Tony would have been comforted by the reminder that Bucky liked him, but something in the phrasing was off. Was Bucky a babysitter? Is that... why he always spent so much time with Tony? He didn't want to believe it, but it was a familiar pattern in Tony's life. Teachers, tutors, and friends, they'd all been bought for him before. What was a babysitter in the face of that? All the fond smiles Tony remembered, all the times he'd thought that Bucky was rescuing him from boredom, bought and paid for. Tony swallowed around the lump in his throat. "I should probably get back to unpacking." 

"Yeah of course. Did you want me to come down and help you finish? Not as good as being there from the start, but better than nothing." 

Tony thought about saying no and pushing him away. But the truth was that even if Bucky's time was paid for, Tony liked him, and he wasn't willing to give that up. "I'd love that. If you have the time." 

"I always have the time for you. I'll get there as soon as I can, and don't bother trying to finish before I arrive. Sit around and work on that AI of yours or something, yeah?" 

"Yeah." He thought about saying something else, something about how much he appreciated him. He settled on, "Thanks Bucky." 

"Anything for you kiddo. See you soon." 

* * *

"Hey sugar patch, can you hand me the screwdriver?" 

"Which one?" 

"The red-handled one." 

"Uhh, right. And which one is that for us normal people?" 

Tony looked up from his project frowning. "It's that one," he said, pointing to the one on Rhodey's left. "Do you not... know your colors?" It seemed ludicrous to him, but he didn't have a better guess. 

Rhodey handed it over with a snort. "Man, I can't even see my colors, let alone tell them apart. When did you meet your soulmate?" 

"My who?" 

"Soulmate," Rhodey repeated. Now they both looked confused, and that was never a good place to be. 

"Am I supposed to know what that means?" 

"I mean, I thought you would, but I guess not. You're... you and- you have a soul, right?" 

"Okay," Tony said slowly. It was the same tone he used when Rhodey was explaining why he thought Han could use the Force.

"So, the idea is that there's at least one person out there with a soul that complements yours." 

"That's nice. What does this have to do with me?" 

"When you touch them, you can see colors. It's how you recognize them from everybody else." 

Tony blinked. "Seriously? You're not messing with me or anything, this is real." 

"Yeah it's real." 

"It sounds like romanticized bullshit." 

"Some people think that, but it's still true. Until you meet a very specific person, you won't see colors. It's not perfect obviously, since some people are blind and some have the medical condition of color blindness, but it's legit." 

"But I've been able to see colors my entire life. There was never a _chance_ to meet anyone." 

"You probably met them really young. I don't think there's actually ever been anyone born with them." 

Tony started to say that well, he must be the exception because Bucky definitely would have told him. Then he froze. Bucky. "Are soulmates- um, romantic?" 

"Most people think so." 

"But you don't?" 

Rhodey shrugged. "My older sister has a soulmate, and she swears up and down that she'll never love him that way even though she loves him more than anybody else in the world. Maybe that'll change, or maybe they'll keep being best friends the way they are now. Nobody really knows but them, y'know? Everybody's different." 

"I see." Bucky... if by some chance he wasn't Tony's soulmate, he'd definitely know who was. "I'm gonna make a call." 

"I'll clear out," Rhodey said getting to his feet and stretching. "I've been craving a meatball sub for hours." 

"Okay," Tony said, even thought they both knew Rhodey was only leaving to give him privacy. "Thanks man." 

Rhodey pat him on the shoulder as he left, and for a brief moment, Tony stared at the phone without moving. What was he hoping to hear? That Bucky was his soulmate and maybe the obligation he felt had nothing do with Howard or money, but was solely because he cared about Tony? That was _exactly_ what he wanted to hear actually, but what then? If that was true, Bucky would've been keeping it a secret this whole time. Even if it wasn't Bucky, he had to know, and he still hadn't told Tony a damn thing. He picked up the receiver and dialed the number for Bucky's apartment since that where he spent all his time these days. 

"Barnes," he answered, like after all this time he was still expecting a military call. 

"Hi Bucky." 

"Hey Tony," Bucky said, smile evident in his voice. "How's it going?" 

"Who's my soulmate?" he blurted. He expected a pause, some sort of stalling, but there was nothing. Bucky answered immediately. 

"Me. Unless you've got some big news for me," he joked. 

Tony couldn't often say that he'd been struck dumb since most of the time when he was quiet it was by choice. But right now he wanted to ask how the _hell_ Bucky could say that so casually, but he couldn't force the words out. 

"Tony?" he asked, sounding worried. "You okay?" 

His throat worked, and he choked out, "No one told me." 

"No one told you what? Tony? Are you okay?" 

"Soulmates. I didn't- no one told me." 

"...oh." It was amazing that one little word, more of a sound than anything else, could hold so much emotion. "I thought you knew." 

"I didn't even know that soulmates existed. Rhodey mentioned it and I sounded fucking stupid. Are people really born not seeing colors?" 

"Yeah. Shit, it never even occurred to one me that you wouldn't know. Of _course_ you wouldn't, we all just assumed that you'd know, somehow." 

"Maria," Tony said suddenly. "This is why she hates you, right?" She thinks you're going to take advantage or some shit." 

"Basically. And Tony, I would _never_ -" 

"I know. Fuck's sake, you're better to me than I am." 

"I wouldn't go that far," Bucky said, but it was a blatant lie. 

* * *

Tony felt numb. He'd felt numb (and more than a little disbelieving) when the police told him that his parents had died in a car crash. He'd felt numb when Obadiah clapped him on the shoulder and said that he'd take care of things until Tony was ready. He'd felt numb as they made the funeral arrangements and Bucky had to leave the room to cry because he didn't want anyone to see him like that. He'd felt numb through the wake, with old friends and business partners huddled together in the grass as reporters took pictures and filmed from the sidelines. 

He didn't know how long feeling numb would last, but he guessed another week. He wasn't expecting it to hit when they got back to the mansion after the funeral. It's not like he saw something that reminded him, but he realized that Howard was never coming back; he wasn't on a trip, he was just _gone_. 

Bucky already had an arm around his shoulders, so it was easy to turn and smush his face against Bucky's chest as he cried. Tony didn't say anything, and Bucky didn't say anything. He simply held him, like a warm shield between Tony and the rest of the world. 

It was probably the first time Tony truly understood that Bucky was his soulmate, not just a friend who had always been there for him. In the midst of a tragedy, snot clogging his nose and cheeks sticky with tears, he felt true comfort. It didn't fix anything, and in the moment it didn't even make him feel better. But he clung to Bucky that much harder, and in return, Bucky squeezed him tighter. 

"I've got you," Bucky said when the tears tapered off. He pressed a kiss to the top of Tony's head. "I've got you."


End file.
